Mysteries

Nancy, this is a test to see if this will show up on your webpage.
mo

So What's Next? This was a rough week following the loss of my friend. My friendship with her began when we met in grad school in San Francisco in 1988. We were together in a Family Therapy class at CIIS when the earthquake collapsed the freeway in Oakland and "broke" the Bay Bridge. It's no wonder I hated working with couples and families in my counseling practice! That night of the earthquake we came up with an emergency plan should there be another disaster - one that might blow out all the phone lines. We would each leave a message by a particular structure in the park across from Grace Cathedral, just a block from her apartment. Several times this week I've wondered if there is a message there waiting for me......

I miss her and I miss being able to talk to people who knew her. There was no wake or memorial that I know of, probably her husband was exhausted and heartbroken and all the relatives had dispersed to their respective homes spread all over the country, so nothing was scheduled. It felt like the healing/wedding just six days before her passing was that event, however, it wasn't appropriate to talk about her as if she was dying because we were still hoping for a mighty miracle. Anyway, there is healing in sharing stories and memories. I have sent a letter to her husband and emails to three other friends that knew her hoping that we can share stories. I told my sister about this need to share stories and she told me about the one meeting she had with my friend back in "88, I think. It was a very sweet story that reminded me of how nurturing Lief was and how she was so able to make you comfortable regardless of the circumstances. That helped, I was able to cry a little and reduce the build up of grief pressure or whatever one would call it. I will call another friend tomorrow.

So, I want to integrate this experience into the Creative Oasis Network process and to use what has happened to deepen my commitment to the project while hopefully bringing more women into the process. I have been reluctant to talk about the events of the last two weeks because the Network was not intended to be about me and my process - but it is "what's up" right now and as Ram Dass (I think) said, it's "grist for the mill". Perhaps others will see the blog as a way to get support and to post what is important to them at this time - right now.

There are a couple of pending events for Creative Oasis Network, a writing workshop and a book group, neither with a scheduled date as yet. Also, a friend mentioned that she might want to do a group for women to discuss sexuality at this time of life. Those all sound fascinating to me, hopefully we can pin some events down to get the word out soon via email and the website. If you have any other ideas for an event or activity, please let me know. I'm offering the space at no charge for the month of May- so take advantage of it!

If you want to post anything on this blog you can either comment as a few others have or you can post directly by letting me know that you want to be a contributor. The blog site administrator (me) sends an email that invites you to submit your email address with a new password to get you on the site. If you have trouble with that process, please let me know. I want to encourage others' input. Nancy

Moving Forward through this Life Adventure

My friend has passed from this life. It was quick - just two weeks since diagnosis, maybe four weeks since symptoms of a fast-growing form of brain cancer. In trying to figure out how to hold this loss in a way of deepening my own understanding of life and to accept it as all part of the Devine Plan, I have been searching for a poem or statement that would express something to comfort myself and others going through a loss. I came across a book I have had for about 15 years, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche, which I was reading when my mother was dying of lung disease about that many years ago. Something about the descriptions of what happens after death really turned me off at the time – I couldn’t finish the book. I may take another run at it as my friend had studied many different avenues of spirituality, Buddhism included. So far, the right poem or quote has not come into my awareness.

Without being excessively morbid I would like to figure out a way of exploring this important issue that comes up increasingly often in this time of our lives…dealing with the loss of people close to us and facing our own mortality. Last night at dinner my friend Kathy and I were talking about Creative Oasis Network and what to do next. She suggested a book group or study group of such issues as Angeles Arrien’s book, The Second Half of Life… and other books about how women can claim their power without putting down men. Each of us may have a topic that we would like to explore by reading and discussion with others. So I open that possibility. It would be a no cost, no host get-together in Creative Oasis Network space.

If you have anything you want to put on this blog, about your thoughts, an event, something you are offering or seeking, please email me and I will “invite” you to be a “team” member. It will ask for your email address which would form a Google account. If it asks for a password just make one up, I won’t have access to it nor will anyone else but you can add whatever you like. If that doesn’t work let me know. Nancy

The Process

Thank you, Deb, for the encouragement to write this. I called my friend in San Francisco tonight thinking that she would be home from the hospital today following surgery on Monday, and I could find out when to make arrangements to visit her again since I had heard yesterday that she was expected to live just 2-8 weeks. Her sister answered the phone and said that she was in the bedroom with Lief at that moment and things are moving fast. She said Lief is already experiencing labored breathing. So I asked her to whisper in her ear, "Nancy called and said to tell you she loves you." What more can a friend do when so many miles separate us! I have lit many candles in my home tonight - it is very quiet - my dog is cuddling with me on the couch and I'm thinking of playing a tape that I got from Lief several years ago by a group called "Dead Can Dance". It so perfectly represents the altered states that we have shared together at times over the years. How ironic! So I celebrate the life of my good friend who is such a healer to so many, and she has tried to teach me about the power of LOVE.... such a great friend. She said to me a fews years ago during some rough times, "Just call me if you ever need to remember who you are" .... and I have done just that a couple of times. I pray that she doesn't suffer.

Still working on blog

My ignorance about what to do to make this blog interactive is obvious. I'm working on it and will keep you posted. Maybe it is interactive and no one has tried. Please try and we'll see if it works. My email address is nancy@creativeoasisnetwork.com if you try and it doesn't work.

Unexpected News

Yesterday morning I got a surprise phone call from Lief's partner of at least 16 years who told me that my friend, since 1988, has a sudden, serious health problem and has asked me to come to San Francisco Saturday to participate in a healing circle. No question, I'm going .... and will be leaving Friday afternoon and returning Monday evening. These frightening phone calls are getting more frequent it seems. This is the third, at least, in the last 8 months. My sister, Jane, was diagnosed with breast cancer in August and just finished chemo and radiation a month ago. She is doing fabulously well now that she is cancer & treatment free. Christmas Day, our wonderful, long time family friend for 55 years, Marc, did not wake up after he and his family entertained us Christmas Eve with fabulous food and led us in singing traditional Christmas carols. This is part of the second half of life and we have to go with the flow. This is my challenge....to realize and accept that there will be joy and there will be loss or at least fear of loss - back to back. The key for me is to take it a moment at a time and to experience whatever is happening fully. I'm grateful for the little that I know of Buddhism and meditation that has helped me to be in the moment. While the moment may be painful it is rich with emotion and love. Right now I am filled with gratitude for the connections with all the people who have been in my life and even for those I have not yet met. The potential for loss makes life all the more precious and meaningful.